Up Too Early
I’m up before the sun because I’m unbearably hot.
It’s those uncontrollable, untrustworthy, unattractive hormones.
It’s the erratic estrogen dance.
I want to fall back to sleep. I have laid here for an hour “meditating”. Why is it when I try to seriously meditate, I fall asleep and now, when I am trying to use meditation as a sedative, it doesn’t work.
Once again, my REM is interrupted by this hormonal tsunami. If I turn on the fan to cool down, I’ll get a chill and then a cold, which will eventually turn into a sinus infection. So instead, I lay here in my puddle of sweat.
I decide to get up, change into fresh pajamas. and walk into the kitchen. The only thing that will get me through this hot flash is ice cream. Chocolate ice cream— which may or may not give me heartburn, and for sure my waistline will regret in the morning. I go right to the freezer knowing that opening the giant chocolate covered nutty mint chip cone will put a smile on my face. Aahh, just as I’d hoped, it cools me right down. I settle for a moment on the cushy couch and turn on the television. I land on the Food Channel, or as some call it, Porn for fat people!
*Note to self: Plan a trip to Boston to get Lobster roll.
I begin to click away trying to find something less hunger inducing.
What to watch? What to watch?
I can’t put on the Kardashians because they would just make me even crazier than I already am at the moment – who can really keep up with them?
I switch channels to a frivolous, paid-programming show with sparkly things for sale.
An hour later at about 3:30am, my husband walks in to check on me and finds me sitting on the edge of the couch in a trance, credit card in one hand and the telephone in the other.
“Come on, sweetheart. Come back to bed.”
I give him THE LOOK. ……..“Or not” he smiles. Smart man.
It’s now 4:30am and I’m crying over the fact that I have been putting my D cup breast into a B cup bra for years.
All the back fat could have been smoothed out by a miracle bra with a simple phone call and $19.99 plus shipping and handling, of course.
WHO KNEW?!
Maybe I was better off watching The Food Channel.
I am getting this little treasure for all the women in my life. We could all use a good laugh about our hormones!
Hi I’m Catherine, founder of Wine Women And Chocolate. Want to become a contributor for Wine, Women & Chocolate? Interested in sharing your unique perspective to a group of supportive, like-minded women? 